


WYH First Drafts

by Marzsunflower



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Parent Lyall Lupin, Bisexual Remus Lupin, F/M, Gay Sirius Black, James Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Person of Color James Potter, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black's Flying Motorbike, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marzsunflower/pseuds/Marzsunflower
Summary: Remus Lupin has never trusted anyone, he couldn’t afford to.Sirius black has never been loved, he never loved anyone either.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. The Father

Remus Lupin was innocent. He didn’t deserve the life he got. Remus was only 15 years old. He celebrated his last birthday on the floor of an old shack on the Hogwarts grounds, sure that he was going to bleed out. He didn’t, of course, or else this story would be over. No, this is just the beginning.

He spent his birthday naked and groaning on the floor of the shrieking shack, with the full knowledge that he was going to do it again the next month, but he still preferred that to how he spent today. On his birthday, he got to look up at the kind face of the school’s healer. Today, Remus Lupin sat alone in his fathers musty unfinished basement. 

The room was dark, since it had no lights and no windows. The chains felt heavy around Remus’ ankles and wrists, and the slow trickle of blood made its way down his back. The door opened and Remus glowered at the smell of alcohol. A man came in, he was balding and his clothes were too small. He was hardly the shadow of the man Remus had known so many years ago.

“Wipe that nasty look off your face boy.” Lyall demanded, tottering over to where his son sat. 

Remus took his time to stand once the chains were off, Lyall was already making his way back out of the basement room, dropping Remus’ clothes and wand by the door as he left. 

Remus had become quite good with healing speaks, of course, but the pain after the moon was still beyond measure. Now fully dressed, Remus made his way up the stairs, flinching whenever the cuts and scars brushed his clothes in the wrong way. 

In the kitchen Remus found a scattering of playing cards on the table from two nights ago when his father's friends came over for a round of poker. Remus sighed. He knew picking them up would be pointless, as they would just end up there again tonight. Instead, Remus made his way to the stove and got himself a cup of tea. The newspaper lay on the counter by the stove. Remus read the headline as he steeped his tea.  _ Another Werewolf Attack in East London,  _ Remus shook his head minutely, he was sure this was another by Greyback, and continued down the article.  _ 13 year old witch attacked in Redbridge.  _ Remus grabbed his tea and made his way up to his room. 

When he looked around, he was greeted by the friendly face of James’ owl, Bartholomew . The little white bird had two letters addressed to Remus. One written in James’ messy scrawl and the other in Sirius’ posh cursive. Remus carefully peeled open the first letter.

_ Hi Remus!  _

_ I’m sorry you have to be alone on the moon tonight. I’m sending this letter to Sirius first so he can send a letter too. I miss you and I can’t wait to see you again! Only a week left.  _

_ I hope you’re doing alright! Make sure you eat and sleep! I know you forget. You have my owl so you have no excuse to not write back. See you at Kings Cross! _

__ __ _ -James  _

Remus smiled and tucked the letter into the drawer of his desk before reaching for the other. 

_ Hello Remus, _

_ I am so excited to see you again. I’ve been waiting all summer for James to write to me so I can use his owl. If my mother knew I was writing to you 30 years would come off her life… Maybe I should tell her. To be honest I’m not sure if she’d be angrier that you’re a half-blood or that you’re a Gryffindor.  _

_ I miss you like hell by the way. Regulus is completely bland and I need some more interesting company. I hope you made it through this full moon without ripping yourself apart, which is a funny thing to hope since I know you always rip yourself apart.  _

_ Please don’t write back. See you on the train.  _

__ __ _ -Sirius _

Remus carefully refolded the letter from Sirius and put it in the drawer of his bedside table. He closed his eyes, thinking of how embarrassing it would be if Sirius knew that he kept his letters separate from the other letters he received. Remus sat back at his desk and pulled out a piece of parchment to write back to James.

_ Hey James, _

_ I lived through the moon. I miss you too. Thank you for worrying about me but you really don’t have to. I can’t wait to see all of you.  _

__ __ _ -Remus _

Remus took a deep breath as he watched James owl get further from his window. He desperately wished that he could write to Sirius, but knew it was best to leave it. 

Remus decided to take James’ advice ad go to sleep, but not without rereading Sirius’ letter first.


	2. The Mother

Sirius Black was not innocent. He never had the right to be. Sirius Black was raised to be a Slytherin. Sirius Black was the heir to The House of Black, Sirius Black has been raised to hate everyone he comes across, and yet, Sirius Black was  _ not  _ a Slytherin. Walburga Black, who did not like this, had tortured her son, and though Sirius had no way of knowing, this was just the beginning.

Sirius sat in his room—which he had plastered with pictures of muggle motorcycles and Gryffindor banners and one poster of a muggle girl, which he only put up to piss off his mother, but couldn’t personally bear to look at—and stared at a piece of parchment that read  _ Hello Remus.  _ That was it. He waited all summer for James’ owl to arrive and now that it had, he couldn’t think of anything to write.

So he just sat there. He knew that at this rate Remus wouldn’t get the owl till tomorrow morning. Sirius stared blankly at his window. Remus wouldn’t want him to sound too worried about him, even though he was. Sirius took a deep breath and put ink to parchment.  _ I am so excited to see you again. I’ve been waiting all summer for James to write to me so I can use his owl. If my mother knew I was writing to you 30 years would come off her life… Maybe I should tell her.  _ Sirius would never tell his mother that he was writing to Remus. He wouldn’t tell her that he was writing to any of his friends for that matter. Honestly, he wouldn’t have even told her that he had friends if it could have been avoided.  _ To be honest I’m not sure if she’d be angrier that you’re a half-blood or that you’re a Gryffindor. _ Sirius was telling the truth here. Those were the first two questions that Walburga and Orion had asked about Sirius’ friends. “What house are they in?” And “Are they 

_ I miss you like hell by the way. Regulus is completely bland and I need some more interesting company.  _ Sirius wished that he could find more truth in this line. Where as Sirius is sure that Regulus is bland, he has not actually been in his company all that often. Ever since Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, Regulus has been distant to the point where he practically avoids Sirius, especially when they are home on the holidays.  _ I hope you made it through this full moon without ripping yourself apart, which is a funny thing to hope since I know you always rip yourself apart.  _ Sirius tried his best to not let how worried he was seep into his words.

_ Please don’t write back.  _ Better safe than sorry.  _ See you on the train.  _ Sirius knew that he couldn’t meet his friends till he was out of sight of his parents.  _ -Sirius _

He watched the letter fly away with the little owl then flopped onto his bed. He rested his arm over his eyes, wishing that he could stop worrying about Remus, but of course he couldn’t. He only sat up when the house elf came to his door to grab him for dinner. 

Dinner was bland as always, and it wasn’t just the food made by their absolutely insufferable house elf. It was a silent meal with no conversation and no eye contact. Sirius was glancing around the cold, dark, unwelcoming dining room. Regulus kept his eyes on his plate, not glancing up even once, and scurried back to his room as soon as he was excused. Sirius also chose not to loiter and stood to climb the stairs, but rather unfortunately, he did not make it out of his fathers sight in time to quell any chance of conversation. 

“Sirius.” His mothers deep, cold voice made him stop in his tracks.

“Yes?” Sirius said, turning slowly, knowing that this would be over faster if he offered compliance instead of aggression. 

“Yes, what?” His mother asked expectantly. Sirius took a deep breath.  _ Compliance not aggression  _ He reminded himself.

“Yes, ma’am?” Sirius tried to push away a scowl. 

“Sit.” Sirius did. “We want to start looking for a suitable wife for you.” Sirius just gaped and they must’ve taken it as an answer because Warburga started talking again.

“So you must be on your best behavior at school this year. We want you to meet a girl next summer. She goes to Beauxbatons and she is a pureblood. She will make a fine addition to the family.” Sirius resigned himself to just a nod, but he couldn’t force himself to smile. He rose again, and this time no one stopped him on the way to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the prelude.


	3. The Marauders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders are on their way to Hogwarts for their fifth year.

James wasn’t annoying, per say, but he did get your attention in the most annoying way possible. As Remus stepped onto the platform there was no denying who the shriek of delight came from. Remus took a deep breath and turned, ready for the eternal headache that was James Potter, and of course didn’t even get an extra second of peace as James rushed into him, knocking him to the ground.

“Oi James, get off!” Remus says, shoving James away and getting back to his feet. James stood up too, losing his balance again once he was at full height. Once James was actually standing again he wrapped Remus in a tight hug, and Remus couldn’t stop himself from smiling. 

“I missed you Moony! How was your summer? Mine was incredibly boring. I hung around Peter a whole lot. Wish I could see more of you and Sirius during the summers though.” James rambled on as he pulled him over to where James’ parents were standing.

“It’s good to see you again Remus,” Euphemia Potter said, wrapping Remus in a hug that reminded him of his own mother. 

“It’s good to see you too Mrs. Potter.” Remus smiled at her. 

“You’ve gotten so tall.” She was right about that. Remus was now six feet tall, and James was still only five foot nine. Though right at that moment James’ saving grace came in the form of Peter, who had been five foot two since third year.

“Hi James, Hi Remus!” Peter beamed up at the boys, who greeted him in turn. As they caught up, Remus couldn’t help but look around the platform for the Blacks.

***

“Behave, Sirius.” Walburga said, though Sirius was already on his way onto the train. His parents were not worth the goodbye. Once he found an empty car, and looked around the platform to see if his friends had arrived yet. He couldn’t see them, and reasoned that they must not be there yet, Sirius had always preferred to arrive early.

He pulled out a book. It was a muggle book that he had been hiding from his parents since Remus had given it to him in his first year. He managed to keep it in the same condition he received it in, which would come as a shock to anyone who knew Sirius. He dragged his thumb along the familiar pages and felt that he might be able to recite the book word for word by now, but still reads it every chance he got. 

He managed to read a few pages before someone pushed open his compartment door. When he looked up a wide smile greeted him. Sirius stood and James wrapped his arms around him. Once James finally let go and sit down Peter came in behind him, and Sirius barely paused to smile at him, because the next to enter the compartment was one Remus Lupin. 

Remus had grown probably four inches, where Sirius hadn’t grown at all, and was wearing the leather jacket Sirius had made him take home so Walburga wouldn’t find it. Sirius smiled so wide he thought his face was going to burst and Remus wrapped him in a hug. The hug didn’t last long, but was enough for Sirius to get the familiar smell of old books and tea.

Sirius felt his heart flutter as he stepped away. He took only a second to wonder what that was about before he sat down and watched as Remus put his trunk in the overhead compartment. 

As the train started on its way to the school, the boys all got caught up on each other’s summers and James made sure to confirm that Sirius was still only five foot seven, claiming that it was unfair that Remus was already so tall. 

***

Remus’ heart was careening around in his chest. If Remus didn’t know any better he would’ve thought Sirius had gotten hotter since he had last checked. His hair was messy in an undeniably graceful way and now reached past his shoulders. His grey eyes caught the light in just the right way to make them look like pools of pure silver. 

When the conversation died down, James and Peter started a game of exploding snap and Remus took to staring out the window at the passing scenery. Out of the corner of his eye Remus saw Sirius pick up the book that was lying next to him, which Remus now recognized as the copy of  _ The Outsiders  _ than he had given Sirius as a birthday present almost four years ago. It was still in the slightly battered and worn condition—Remus never was very good about taking care of his books—Sirius had received it in. 

Remus smiled to himself and pulled his own book out of his bag.  _ Lord of the Flies _ , one of his mothers old favorites. He was maybe two pages in when Sirius moved to sit next to him and looked over his shoulder curiously. Remus felt his heart skip a beat as Sirius’ arm pressed against his.

Sirius was opening his mouth to say something right as the compartment door slid open. Remus looked up to see the familiar faces of two of his classmates, Lily Evans and Severus Snape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to get to chapter 12 by Christmas but no promises


	4. The Snake and the Girl

Sirius turned around at the noise of the door opening to see the face of a pretty girl with long red hair, and the face of a greasy boy with a crooked nose.

James jumped up quickly. “Hi Lily,” he said, a little too enthusiastically. Her greasy entourage, Severus Snape, rolled his eyes at James as Lily smiled back awkwardly. James has had a crush on Lily Evans since second year—really it was since first year but James would never tell you that—and it didn’t seem to be going away. James was handsome, and many girls have asked him to go to Hogsmead with them, but he was “saving himself” for Lily. 

“Hi Remus, Sirius, Peter.” Lily said, and James pouted. Now it was Sirius’ turn to roll his eyes. “Did you all have a good summer?” Severus rubbed his face in irritation and gave Lily an impatient look—which she either didn’t see, or pointedly ignored. 

Lily never really liked James. The group were known for the pranks they pulled and James was, unofficially, the leader. Lily, being the rule abiding citizen she was, was not a big fan of their pranks. She opted to still be friends with the other three, especially Remus, unknowing to the fact that they usually played a bigger part in the pranks than James, who normally took the blame. 

Everyone caught Lily up on how they had been—except James, who Lily had interrupted every time to ask someone else a question—until Severus interrupted.

“Can we please go back to our compartment now?” Lily turned to Severus but Sirius answered first.

“Yes Snivellus, please do go away.” Sirius said, with the sarcastic smile he usually put on when Severus was in hexing distance. Lily took a second to look back at Sirius and give him a stern look before pulling Severus out of the door. James tilted his head like a sad dog as he watched her leave. Sirius rolled his eyes and picked up his book again. 

The car went back to its original state, almost as if Lily had never come by, the only evidence that she had was the faint blush on James face that didn’t seem to be going away.

***

Only a few hours later the boys walked into the Great Hall. They all made their way to the Gryffindor table and looked to the head table to watch the sorting. IKIt was mostly Hufflepuffs this year, only a total of six new Gryffindors, two boys and four girls. The boys enjoyed their meal, chatting to The Gryffindor ghost, Nearly Headless Nick, and eating the wonderful food that was served every meal. It wasn’t too long till the boys had to separate again, with Remus needing to fulfill his prefect duties and take the first years up to the dormitory. The other boys lingered behind a bit,trying to make the most out of the meal. 

When the rest of the Marauders did arrive in their common room later they found Remus sitting on the couch waiting for them. His nose was buried in the same book Sirius had wanted to ask about earlier, but he put it down as soon as they walked in. Sirius smiled at him. Remus always looked angelic in the dim lantern light of the common room. Remus showed the other boys up to their new room and Sirius immediately flopped onto his bed. Remus laughed and sat next to him. Sirius sat up and they watched James and Peter unpack their things, before Remus broke the silence. 

“Your family didn’t give you too much grief this summer did they?” Remus asked, trying to keep his tone even, but Sirius knew he was worried. Sirius turned to see that Remus was looking at him with those beautiful amber eyes. He could feel heat creeping to his cheeks and turned away. It was just hot in the room, nothing else. 

“No, they left well enough alone,” Sirius took a pause, lowering his voice. “Well right up till the end.” Sirius looked back up in time to see the brief concern in Remus’ eyes. 

“What did they do?” Remus asked, using the same low tone that Sirius had tilting his head curiously.

“They- They’re trying to find me a wife. I have to meet a girl from Beauxbatons next summer.” Sirius looked back to his hand in his lap. Remus put an arm around his -shoulders in an apologetic sort of way. Sirius smiled and looked up again, then realizing how close his face was to Remus’ looked back down. It was obvious that Remus was trying to think of something to say, but was spared the struggle as JAmes bounded over and laid across their laps. This knocked Sirius out of the moment and he and Remus pushed James off at the same time. James hit the floor with a thud and Sirius stood to start unpacking his things. 

Remus also got up from Sirius’ bed and went over to his own, putting some of his clothes in his wardrobe. Sirius couldn’t help but watch him out of the corner of his eye as he shoved his clothes into drawers. 

Eventually Sirius was done moving his things about and climbed into his bed. He pulled the curtains shut and fell asleep.

***

Remus woke up the next morning to find an almost empty room. James always woke up early and must’ve dragged Peter along with him today, since Remus found himself alone in the dorm with Sirius. This shouldn’t have made Remus blush the way that he did, he had been alone in the dorm with Sirius many times before, they had been sharing a room since they were eleven after all, but remus couldn’t stop his face from heating up when he saw the sleeping form of Sirius through a gap in the curtains.

Once Remus was dressed and ready to go down to breakfast he had a realization that he should probably wake Sirius. He pulled open Sirius’ curtains and smiled down at him. Sirius was curled into a ball, his hair was messy and all over the place. Remus had a fleeting thought that it was not fair to the rest of the world that Sirius was so pretty when he slept, but he quickly realized that it was actually a blessing, since he got to look at him. 

No. He can’t have these thoughts about his best friend. Sirius was straight, and Remus needed to respect that, no matter how beautiful his friend was. 

He reached out and shook Sirius’ shoulder to wake him. Sirius let out a groan, but smiled when he looked up at Remus. Remus told him that he should probably get up and that he wouldn’t want to miss the first day of classes, then went down to breakfast, trying to tell himself that Sirius was just his friend and that his silly crush would get him nowhere. The Marauders didn’t even know he was gay, nobody did. Nobody except Lily. 

He didn’t exactly want to tell her, but he felt rude if he rejected her without an explanation. James would never know, but he would never become the first Marauder to win Lily’s heart. Lily had asked Remus to go with her to the last Hogmead weekend before the end of their third year. Remus politely declined at first, but Lily pressed him for a reason. Eventually Remus gave in and confessed that he was quite possibly the most homosexual teenager on the planet, and somehow, through either a miracle or a blessing by the gay gods, didn’t spill that he was completely mad for Sirius Black until halfway through their fourth year. 

Lily was good at keeping secrets, that's for sure, she was actually doing better at hiding Remus’ crush than he was. Though, given the circumstances—Sirius being the most incredible, beautiful, talented guy on Earth—who could blame him.

Eventually, Remus made it down to the great hall and saw his friends from across the room. James was practically bouncing in his seat, which wasn’t an uncommon sight, and Peter was sitting next to him, looking exhausted by James antics. When Remus got closer he spotted the source of James' excitement, Lily Evans was sitting across from him and actually talking to him. Remus braced himself for the second hand embarrassment that always came from watching his two friends interact. As he sat Lily looked at him with that “Save me” look that Remus had seen many times before. He just shrugged and sent an apologetic look back.

Not too much later Sirius came sauntering into the hall as well and joined them at their area of the table, sitting so close to Remus that their legs pressed together. If Remus couldn’t feel the heat on his face he would still know how intense his blush was from Lily’s knowing smirk and subtle eyebrow raise. He scowled at her but couldn’t bring himself to actually be mad because oh gods their thighs were touching. This was absolutely too much. He hardly registered when McGonagall came by and gave them their schedules. He had all his classes with the other Marauders, James had made them all choose the same electives, and with Lily, Remus suspected James chose their schedules after finding out what hers was. 

When the owls came to deliver mail that morning Sirius received a letter for what might have been maybe the third time in all of his four years at Hogwarts. He frowned the moment he saw the writing his name was written in and by the time he was done reading it looked like he was about to light it on fire. He tucked the letter into his bag, took a deep breath, then set all his attention on finishing his breakfast.

Classes were just as they had been when everyone left school in May. Lily managed to avoid James during lunch by running off and sitting at the Slytherin table with Severus, who visibly brightened when Lily came towards him.

Sirius sat through lunch much like he had sat through breakfast and all the classes in between. His face seemed to be stuck in a permanent scowl and he ate in a mildly aggressive manner. Remus put a hand on his arm and he flinched. 

“Are you alright Sirius?” Sirius’ expression softened and he gave Remus a small smile. 

“Yea. I’ll be alright, thanks.” Remus smiled and Sirius’ smile grew wider. Remus dropped his hand from Sirius’ arm and his heart skipped a beat. Sirius had a wonderful smile. Just one of the many wonderful things about him.

***

The day went smoothly right up to the hour before dinner. Loads of students were out on the grounds, enjoying the bit of sun before it got too cold to leave without a scarf, which was bound to happen in less than a month. Among these students were the Marauders, who could be found in the courtyard, discussing what their first prank of the year should be. 

“Okay but what if we put it in McGonnagal’s office?” 

“James, no, are you trying to get caught.”

“I wouldn’t get caught, I have the invisibility cloak.”

“It would be a good time to have that map finished.”

“I’m working on the spells for it Peter, it’s not exactly easy.”

“I know, it’s not I’m just saying-”

“Wait what if we put it in Slughorn’s office.”

“But he’s always in there.”

“We just need a distraction! Sirius what if you-” James’ terrible idea was cut off by Lily Evans who came up to them the same way she had on the train, incredibly greasy entourage and all.

“Are you already planning to lose us house points Potter?”

“I’ll only lose us house points if I get caught.”

“You always get caught.” Severus spoke up. 

James glanced around to his friends for backup but nobody spoke up. All that Remus could offer was a noncommittal shrug. 

“And you’re planning this one in front of a prefect.” Lily started again.

“What? You only heard that last bit!” James protested

“Not me,” Lily said, “Remus.” James turned around to look at Remus, as if he was just now realizing that he had been fraternizing with the enemy.

“Remus! You wouldn’t” Lily looked at Remus and raised her eyebrows, obviously expecting him to side with her. This put Remus in a very uncomfortable position, because while he knew that he should say that he would turn James in, he was the one who found the swamp spell that James had been wanting to cast in Slughorn’s office. Luckily, James had lost interest quickly in favor of Turing back to Severus.

“How would you know if I always got caught, anyway? That would be the whole thing wouldn’t it, is that you’d have no clue.” Severus just rolled his eyes.

“Okay, name one thing you’ve done without getting caught.”

“Well for one I’ve-“

“JAMES!” Sirius hit him over the head.

“Ouch mate, what was that for?”

“Were you really about to tell Snivellus what you’ve done? Are you really that dense.” 

“My money’s on yes.” Lily murmured before pulling Severus away in the direction of the great hall.

Remus shook his head and turned to James. “Alright, what’s the distraction plan?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not this chapter being as long as the last three combined.


	5. The Moon, the Wolf, and the Sickbed

The rest of the week passed smoothly. Well as smooth as it could for the Marauders. Sirius and Remus stressed over the map, which they both took charge of last April when Peter and James fought over it and ended up spilling juice on it. James ended up getting twenty house points and having to sit a week of detention with Slughorn for creating a swamp in his office. James decided that he got off pretty good since it took Fliitwik a whole three days till the office was back to its original state. By the end of the week Remus had a roaring headache that he was sure wasn’t entirely caused by James’ antics. The full moon was rapidly approaching and Remus was due to have a migraine for the next week and a half. 

The wolf thing was entirely easier to handle now that his friends knew about it. Sirius and James remembered to watch their volume around him and Peter remembered to watch his attitude. Remus was thankful for his friends more and more as time went on. He had forgotten how nice it felt to be cared about right before the full. His dad usually left him to his own devices whenever he was at home, but having the Marauders here for him was almost like having his mom back. 

Sirius sat with him in the library so he didn’t have to be alone. James got people around them to quiet down whenever they were getting too rowdy. Peter brought him snacks whenever he didn’t feel like getting up and going down to meals. With the kindness of his friends the week seemed to pass with flying colors and soon enough Remus was waving them goodbye as he went down to hide away under the whomping willow. As he was walking away he heard James asking Sirius when it was okay to take “this damn leaf outta my damn mouth” and laughed when Sirius responded “when I tell you to you arse.”

The three other Marauders had been working at becoming animagus ever since third year. It never worked, because everything had to be perfectly timed and perfectly executed. Sirius had done it perfectly every time, but since the other two kept messing something up, they were still working. The first step was to carry a mandrake leaf in your mouth for a whole month, from full moon to full moon. Peter accidentally swallowed his leaf the first three times, and James spit his out too early on the fourth and fifth attempt. After that, various other things could go wrong, and they did. If all went as planned tonight, the boys would put their leaf into a crystal vile under the light of the full moon, then add one of their hairs.

For the next week after tonight they would each be adding a teaspoon of dew that hasn’t been touched by sunlight or by humans to the vile. Then they’d add some part of a moth that James always got the name of wrong. Sirius figured out that they could just steal the moth pieces from the potions storeroom. They then would leave the vile in a dark place that no one would even think of looking at, and leave it there till the next lightning storm. Remus doesn’t yet know what they will do after that, since they never got that far in the process. Remus crossed his fingers that they would be able to finish the weird process soon and be with him while he descended this nasty tunnel.

Eventually Remus was in the old house, widely rumored to be haunted, and was stowing his clothes away so the wolf wouldn’t be able to get to them. The last thing he remembered was sitting on the bed and feeling a blinding pain as all of his bones reshaped to those of a wolf.

***

Sunlight danced around the room through the high windows and Remus tired to push himself up into a sitting position. His arms gave out and he looked down to see blood pouring from a cut. Not much later he heard hurried footsteps coming down the tunnel. The door unlocked and opened and Remus saw the school nurse, Madam Pomfrey, bustling in ready to heal his cuts better than he ever could.

By the time Remus was back to his dorm Sirius, James, and Peter were already gone. He sighed, a little disappointed that his friends weren’t here for his return. His disappointment didn’t last long however, because the second Remus sat down on his bed the door opened carefully. He smiled as Sirius appeared from around the door. 

“Hiya Remus.” He said in that soft voice he always used after the full moon. Remus just smiled and Sirius came over to sit next to him. James and Peter entered the room behind him and went over to their own parts of the room. 

“How’d it go? Nobody messed up?” Remus guessed, based on how Sirius had an air of calm about him. He tended to get frustrated whenever James or Peter messed up the process. 

“Nope! Look!” Sirius held out the little vile and Remus saw the squishy leaf, the one hair, and the dew lying at the bottom of it. “We were just out getting the dew. I think we might actually be able to do it this time, I think Dorcas said it will be rainy all week, so I hope a storm comes after.” Sirius shoved the vile back into the pocket of his robes. Remus smiled at Sirius and Sirius smiled back. Remus would have sat there all day, just looking into Sirius’ eyes, but he realized that he was incredibly tired. His eyes fell closed a bit and he slumped back into his pillows. He felt the weight balance of the bed change as Sirius got up. 

“We’re gonna go down and get some breakfast. See you later Remus.” Sirius whispered to him and Remus could see Sirius’ smile through his cracked eyes. He gave him a smile back and fell asleep.

***

Sirius was having a good day. Nobody messed up last night and they found dew quite easily this morning. James had grabbed the moth chrysalis from Slughorn’s personal ingredients right before he put the swamp in a couple weeks ago, and a storm was due only five days days after they were going to hide away their viles. Everything was going right. To be honest, he knew that getting his hopes up would only make him get let down harder when they inevitably failed, but he couldn’t stop himself from being elated in the moment.

He felt especially good when he was proudly presenting his vile to Remus earlier that morning. Sirius was able to tell that Remus was just as happy about it as he was. He liked feeling like he was doing something to help Remus. He just wanted this to be easier on him.

Sirius smiled as he ate his breakfast. Marlene and Dorcas were shooting him weird looks, but he was too happy to care. 

“You know something could still go wrong, right?” James said, as they got up to go back to the dorms.

“I’m trying to stay positive. Merlin knows some positivity couldn’t hurt me.” Sirius said the second part of that sentence under his breath, so only he could hear. It was very true. Sirius had received more letters this year than he had ever received before. He had received one on the first day and another on the Monday after that. His mom was being persistent that he maintain a good image this year so the family of the girl at Beauxbatons wouldn't turn down the offer. Sirius had no idea who was making money or how much they were making in this situation, but he knew that either him or the girl was being sold. He wasn’t even sure if the girl knew who was being sold. 

Sirius was trying to convince himself that this isn’t that big of a deal. Deep down, he knew that this was coming. He knew that he would be married eventually and that he wouldn’t be able to choose who he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Some deep down part of him knew, even then, that he didn't want to spend his entire life with a woman. Sirius, of course, did not acknowledge this part of himself and opted to shower his mind on who he would want to spend the rest of his life with.

He came up with three names. Marlene, Alice, and Mary. Three of his best friends. Alice and him had been close since the day that they met, she was a load of fun and Sirius always liked being around her. Mary was nice enough, he could definitely see her being with him for the rest of his life, even if they were just friends. But the one name that kept coming back to mind was Marlene McKinnon. 

He wasn’t exactly sure why her name stuck in his brain. Sure, she was absolutely gorgeous, but he had never thought of her in a romantic way. She was dating Dorcas, and even if she wasn’t, Marlene had told him that she was gay the day that she knew. She was worried, of course, that Sirius would think of her differently once he knew, but he would be lying if he said that he hadn’t seen the way that she had looked at Dorcas before. Then it hit him so hard that he stopped walking and Peter bumped into the back of him. 

James turned around with a confused look on his face but Sirius just shook his head and started walking again. Peter and James hesitated for a moment before starting up the stairs too. 

_ There’s no way. No, no, no. I have to marry a woman. I need to have an heir. I can’t be thinking like this. Not me. Not about him. _

But there was no helping it. Sirius Black was totally and completely gay, and he was completely mad for Remus Lupin.

James and Peter broke away from Sirius in the common room to finish their potions essay, and when he got back to the dorm, he hardly registered that Remus was awake again as he flopped face first onto his bed.

“You alright Sirius?” He heard Remus call out. Sirius took a deep breath. It was all going to be okay. He was going to marry a woman that he was never going to have loved anyway, then he will have a kid with her. He just has to lie to himself for the rest of his life, no big deal. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Sirius sighed as he rolled over. Remus got up from his bed and wobbled over to Sirius, flopping down next to him.

“You can talk to me, you know.” Remus looked genuinely concerned and it hurt Sirius to make him worry more when he already had so much to work about.

“I know.” Sirius smiled softly at Remus. A bit of hair fell and dangled over his eye and he drew his eyes away from Remus to look at it. Slowly, Remus reached out and tucked the bit of hair behind his ear. Sirius made eye contact with him. Remus didn’t pull his hand away. It just sat there, on the side of Sirius’ face. This was all completely overwhelming. Sirius got up off his bed quickly and pulled the vile from his robes, moving it to his nightstand. This plan was flawed, however, because as he approached his nightstand he saw the copy of  _ The Outsiders _ that Remus had given him so long ago and a new flood of emotion hit him.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Remus’ voice drew Sirius from his thoughts.

“I’m okay. I think I might take a walk though.” He saw Remus get up and go back to his own bed out of the corner of his eye.

“Have fun. Tell Pete to bring me some food if you see him, yeah?” Sirius smiled at him and let him know that he would, before picking up his book and making his way back down the stairs.

***

Monday came and went. Three of the Marauders had been putting morning dew into a vile for a few days and it was getting more and more promising as it went. At least that's what Remus was led to believe. Sirius showed him the vile every time, no always seemed excited about it. He loved seeing Sirius so happy, but knew that it didn’t stick around long. On Tuesday James asked Remus if he knew what was going on with Sirius, and told him that he seemed to be in a mood constantly. 

Eventually Thursday arrived and Remus was feeling good enough to get up and go to classes. At first he didn't realize what James was talking about with Sirius’ “mood,” but he started catching glances of Sirius looking worried or angry or disappointed out of the corner of his eye. Whenever he turned his attention to it though Sirius went back to normal. Whenever Remus asked if he was alright Sirius just smiled in his unnervingly calm way and said that everything was alright. Sirius almost covered for himself so well that Remus believed it. Almost.

The weeks passed without a storm and it left Sirius in a worse mood. None of the boys had gone and looked at their viles since they had added the moths though, so he was still holding out hope. Sirius’ constant worrying didn’t seem to weigh on him. He finished all his homework at the same almost worrying speed and worked on the map for most of his time. Remus was impressed that Sirius was still keeping it together, but that didn't stop him from worrying. 

The next full moon came, and Remus waved goodbye to the other Marauders from across the common room. He took a few steps down the hall after going through the portrait before he heard Sirius call out.

“Remus wait.” He turned to see Sirius jogging up to him. Before Remus could register what was going on, Sirius had wrapped him in a hug. Remus didn’t hesitate to hug Sirius back.

“I’m sorry we still figured it out. I’m sorry you have to go through this alone.” Sirius said into his neck. Remus could barely hear his own thoughts over his beating heart. When Sirius stepped away he longed to cling onto him and never let him go. 

“It’s okay. I know how hard you’re trying. Thank you.” Sirius smiled that calm smile, but this time it felt different. Before Remus gave himself time to think about how much he wanted to kiss those lips he turned away and told Sirius that he really should be getting down to the shrieking shack. Sirius smiled and waved at him as he walked away.

***

Sirius woke up the next day before sunrise, as he had been for three weeks. He woke up James and Peter and together they held the tips of their wands to their chests at sunrise and said the incantation,  _ Amato Animo Animato Animagus.  _ Today it happened, Sirius started to feel the second heartbeat that the book he had found said he would. His face broke into a wide grin. He assumed that Peter and James had also felt it based on the looks of absolute bewilderment on their faces. 

Not even a minute later Remus walked into the room. He held his hand over a spot on his shoulder but didn’t wobble as he walked like he had last time. 

“Remus guess what!” He said, struggling to maintain his soft voice in his excitement. Remus just smiled at him after looking at the confused faces of their friends.

“What?” He asked as he sat down on his bed. Sirius plopped himself next to him and explained the two heartbeats and what they meant. Eventually James and Peter got tired of Sirius’ rambling and went down for breakfast, but Sirius stayed at Remus’ side till around nine in the morning. Remus had gotten sleepy and nodded off on Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius smiled down at his friend before moving him softly so his head rested on the pillows.

When Sirius got down for breakfast he was surprised to find Lily, Alice, and Frank still sitting around in the great hall. He went over to sit with them, saving Lily from being the third wheel, which was always the case when hanging out with Alice and Frank. Frank was a year older, but still asked Alice to Hogsmead the first weekend that she was permitted to go. 

“Hey Sirius!” Alice said as he approached, “Your birthday is next weekend right?”

“Yeah?” Sirius knew that she knew his birthday by heart, Alice always remembered dates, it was mad impressive. 

“It’s a Hogsmead weekend, the notice was in the common room this morning.” Sirius didn’t know that this day could get better, he smiled as he reached for the toast and the girls and Frank went back to their conversation. Eventually an owl swooped down with a newspaper and landed in front of Lily. She paid for it and flipped through the pages for something interesting. 

“Looks like we’re due for a storm in the next few weeks.” She said as she kept looking through words. 

“Lightning?” Sirius couldn’t stop himself from asking. Lily turned the pages back a few to check.

“92% chance on the 26th. How do they even calculate that?” Sirius shrugged and got up from the table. 

“”I’ll see you guys later.” He was so excited that he practically ran up to the dorm. When he opened the door moony was already sitting up. He was reading the same book that he had on the train and Sirius didn’t hesitate to plop down on the bed next to him. Remus laughed and set the book aside to look at Sirius. Sirius felt butterflies in his stomach but chose to ignore them.

“Guess what!” Sirius said, excited about so many things all at once.

“You keep saying that today Sirius. What now?” Remus sounded exasperated but the smile on his face told Sirius that he wasn’t.

“My birthday is on a Hogsmead weekend, again!” Sirius threw his hands in the air for dramatic effect and Remus laughed at him. “And! There’s supposed to be a lightning storm this month, on the 26th.” Remus smiled at Sirius, then got a curious look on his face.

“What happens when there is a storm, by the way, I don’t think you’ve ever told me.”

“The potion will be ready! We can transform!” Sirius rested his head on Remus’ shoulder without thinking about it. Nobody said anything for a moment, then James burst into the room, Peter trailing behind. 


	6. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you’re wondering what is going on...

I plan on rewriting the entire fic so far and then adding on. When I get out the first chapter I will post a link to it as an update to this fic. It will be a while though, since I am trying to focus on school right now. If you want to see any further updates or my other writing and my art please go over to my tumblr (marzsunflower) and for Harry Potter focused posts you can find my HP side account on tumblr too (marzauders). Thank you for staying with me through it all.


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